What's cooking?
by Giton
Summary: Crais learns his way around the galley


Disclaimer: "Farscape" is a protected trademark and I'm Just borrowing the characters. I promise to give them back once I've used them, hopefully more or less intact.  
This story is set about a shortly after Talyn and Crais are joined together. Someone said I shouldn't be too mean to The Captain. Can anyone still remember his or her first experience with cooking for the first time? And why does Crais dislike DRD's?  
  
Title: What's Cooking  
Author: GitonCrais  
Rating: Humour  
Spoilers: None  
Keywords: Crais  
Summary: Crais learns his way around the galley  
  
What's cooking  
By GitonCrais  
  
~Are you sure Crais?~ Talyn chirped.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure Talyn."  
  
The Leviathan "looked" down in the Galley. His Pilot, Crais, had decided he had enough of only eating food cubes. As a Captain of a Command Carrier he had been accustomed to eating fine foods rather than food cubes and although they had sustained him during his first weekens on board Talyn he longed for the flavour of "real" food. He had brought fresh supplies on board, there was nothing stopping him from having a proper meal, nothing apart from a lack of knowledge how to cook in the galley.  
  
In his younger years he had been on survival training and then later on campaigns where he had learned how to cook in the field. This, however, was a far cry from cooking in a galley with edible ingredients.  
  
Talyn had sensed his Pilot's confusion but also his grim determination.  
  
Crais had entered the galley without his coat and gloves. While on the planet he had the foresight to acquire some pans and cooking utensils since Talyn had none.  
  
Working it out logically and remembering what the food had tasted like, Crais set about preparing the food. For his experiment he had chosen to cook some Delvian vegetables, which resembled big water plant leaves and the meat of a domestic animal bred on the Commerce planet.  
  
Talyn watched the procedures with interest.  
  
First came the vegetables. Crais chopped the leaves into smaller pieces and threw them in the big pan, which he had already filled with water. The root vegetables followed.  
  
He switched on the hob under the pan and pressed the ignition to start up the heat.  
Nothing happened. He pressed it again.  
~Crais...~  
  
"Not now Talyn, I'm busy."  
He pressed the ignition again and frowned in frustration when there was no reaction.  
~Crais...~  
  
"What?" Crais growled in frustration.  
~You have switched on the wrong hob and are using the wrong ignition, maybe you should...~  
"Yes, yes, use the right ignition." Crais' hand moved to the other ignition.  
~No Crais...~  
  
The warning came too late. Crais pressed the ignition  
  
KABOOM!  
  
The shock send him flying metras back and he landed none too softly o his backside. His eyebrows, stray hair and goatee were singed.  
~...you're using the wrong ignition~ finished Talyn.  
  
Crais clambered to his feet, thunder written on hi face. He growled in anger.  
~Are you angry with me?~  
"No, Talyn. I am angry with myself. What do you use for fuel anyway?" Crais inspected the hobs.  
~Cesium gas. It's a small by-product from my propulsion system and can be easily stored.~  
"That explains the explosion," said Crais offhandedly.   
  
This time he listened to Talyn first how to use the cooker before proceeding. He didn't like to make obvious mistakes twice.  
  
The vegetables were now cooking and he concentrated on the meat. It looked nice and the portion a decent size. He smiled.  
He placed the meat in the skillet and turned on the hob. He noticed with satisfaction that it was the right one.  
  
He took some of the herbal containers out of the cupboard to spice the meat. The containers weren't big and he had chosen the herbs himself, relying on his memory of smell and with a little help from the shop-assistant. Now it was just a matter of marrying the meat with the herbs.  
  
He pulled at the lid and found it stuck. Twisting and turning didn't help. Using the strength he was renowned for he pulled.  
  
Three things happened at once.  
Talyn noticed that the meat was burning and had started to smoke.  
Crais managed to rip the lid off the container.  
Talyn's only DRD so far, ('in training' according to Crais) came into the galley to contain a potential fire.  
  
The DRD scooted forward towards the cooker, mindless of Crais.  
The container opened with an audible pop.  
Crais was slightly off balance with the strength he had exerted.  
  
The DRD bumped into Crais, who released the container, which fell onto the smoking meat. The herbs ignited and showered Crais to whom the DRD applied the fire retardant foam and then proceeded to use the foam on the meat.  
  
When the din settled, the smoke had cleared and the remainder of the herbs had settled on the floor a slightly singed, herb and foam covered frustrated Captain reached over to turn of the hobs.  
  
The whir of the little DRD drew Crais' attention and he wheeled around to it. He could have sworn that he could detect a satisfied smile on the little device as if it was standing at attention after a job well done.  
  
A low growl escaped from Crais' throat and he resisted the urge to kick the little DRD the full length of the galley. It hadn't been only the little DRD who had been at fault.  
  
He looked around at the mess. The pan, which had held the vegetables, had now foam in it and he saw how the vegetables had blended perfectly with the foam. The meat had had burned on one side while the other side was topped with the white substance; little burned herbs almost gave it a decorative touch. Herbs were flying everywhere.  
  
He could feel Talyn "snigger". "What's so funny," Crais asked in irritation.  
  
Instead of explaining, Talyn showed him.  
Crais saw himself through Talyn's eyes, slightly distorted.  
The normally impeccably dressed man had changed into a mess of a man.  
His front was totally covered in the foamy fire retardant. His beard and eyebrows seemed to have an affinity with the substance and made it look as if he had a white beard and matching eyebrows.  
His clothes were splotched white with small little dots where the burned herbs had landed.  
  
The icing on the cake (pardon the pun) was a twirl of foam on the top of Crais' head, which sat there with a defiant insistence.  
  
The otherwise stern face of the Captain looked first in anger and horror at his own visage.  
  
Then a small smile started to crack the exterior, changed into a wide grin and soon the galley and the corridors were filled with a deep booming laughter and happy chirps from Talyn.  
  
The End  
2 


End file.
